Being Proactive

Are you reactive or proactive?

Do you simply react to things that go on around you? Or do you try and anticipate problems and head them off with a possible solution?

In my house, the answer to those questions could be the difference of a good or bad day. With twins, successes and problems are not just doubled; they're multiplied!

Now, I realize that there are some things you just can't plan for. As a first-time parent, I've had to learn a lot of things the hard way. Sometimes, I was simply reacting to what was going on. But the good is that many of those things have made me think about things ahead of time to be proactive.

Your baby throws up in the car and you have nothing to wipe it up. Hmm, I should keep an extra diaper bag with wipes and cloth diapers in the car.

You lose one of the nipples and only have one to feed your two babies. Hmm, I think I'll keep an extra nipple in my diaper bag, just in case. I better keep an extra nasal aspirator and nail clippers, too.

Your babies are grabbing at everything on the table at the restaurant. Hmm, I think they need their own toys and little pieces of food to keep them occupied.

But most things I've learned about being proactive, I've observed from my mom.

For the rare occasion that my mom had to take us to the grocery store, she would outline her expectations while on the way there. "Now, when we're shopping," she'd say, "I need you to be on your best behavior. If you're good, then you can each pick out a piece of candy when we leave." No problem! We knew what she was expecting and reeeally wanted that candy. So, we were good! Problem averted!

When we were going to a family function, my parents knew that we weren't always thrilled. Visiting with loud Italians and hearing, "Aye aye, look how beautiful" and "Aye aye, how you'd get so tall?" a gazzilion times while giving kisses to people we only see once a year wasn't necessarily our idea of fun. But family has always been important. Really important. On our way to the function, my parents would give us the run through of who'd be there, what we'd be doing and how long we'd be staying. And for those crazy annoying family members, my parents always seemed to know exactly what heart-wrenching story to tell us about their situation to make us empathesize with them so we'd be more gracious. They were proactive. Therefore, we responded accordingly.

Instead of yelling at us for what we were doing wrong, my parents praised us for what we did right. If we didn't get inside all of the lines on our coloring page, my mom'd say, "Wow, I love the colors you chose!" If we put clothes on that my dad didn't like, he'd say, "You know what I really love when you wear? That blue blazer." So I changed my outfit. As it turns out, my dad's approval was much more important to me than my peers... because he took the time to notice and praise. Yes, I'd wear a blue blazer to church. And a skirt. Because I knew my dad liked it. (I still fit in that blazer, by the way. It must have been huge on me then! My sisters would laugh that I looked like a flight attendant. I didn't mind that one bit.)

When going anywhere in the car, my mom kept snacks and little activities for us in a bag. When we were hungry or whining that we were bored, Mom always seemed to pull out more than what would satisfy. She didn't wait until we found ourselves stranded in a place with food that was too expensive or didn't suit our tastes. Mom knew and she planned accordingly. (She still does that... you should see her car!)

Now, I'm still learning. There's a lot I don't know. But I've also learned that if I'm going to teach my boys to be gentlemen, to be respectful, well-behaved and gracious, I need to plan ahead. I can't just leave it up to chance that things will be provided for us as we go along.

I remember hearing that "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." As a mom, we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders when it comes to providing everything for our families. We'll mess up sometimes. Gosh, we can't do it ALL! But when we do what we can, when we can, it makes things a whole lot easier.

On everyone!