Do you know how to give a compliment? I mean, really give a compliment? It's a lot more than just saying, "You're neat," or "I think you're cool." While those can be nice, they're not very meaningful to the other person. Here's a trick I learned while teaching: if you want to be sincere, be specific.
You want to be specific in your praise. Affirm the skill, act, or deed that you admired. It's extremely effective for building kids' self-esteem because they can OWN that skill in themselves, rather than finding their excellence in someone else.
Here's what I mean. Rather than saying, "I like your outfit," when someone's dressed well, say, "Red looks great on you," or "You always coordinate so well."
Rather than saying, "You're awesome," when someone offers their seat, say, "You're always so kind to other people."
Rather than saying, "Thanks. You're the best," when your daughter sets the table, say, "Thank you for doing that. You're such a great help to me."
It's such a small change, but it really makes a HUGE difference! (Hint: it works really well on your husbands, too! When he knows exactly what blesses you, he'd be much more likely to do it for you again!)
Hey Mindy, This is SOOO true! Especially for our hubbies...I'm trying to get much better about telling him the things I appreciate, specifically...I feel like it's so easy to remember to say the things we are frustated about, but a compliment goes so much further! What grade did you teach? I taught 9 & 11 grade English before mommyhood!
ReplyDeleteBy the way- I really like your blog-- the entries are encouraging and personal- good job- keep it up!