Clear Expectations

My husband is one of those people that's good at everything. You name it, he can do it. He's intelligent, outgoing, caring, funny and always supportive. He has a full-time job as a salesman, but has also managed several houses since he was twenty-three. He renovated our current house, self-taught himself much of what he knows, and can read people like a book. But there is one thing that I will never expect him to do.

Remember dates.

Dates have always been my thing. Remembering people's names, too. I could tell you everyone's birthday in both of our families, anniversaries, when we had our first date, the night he proposed, that sort of thing. I even prided myself on remembering all 120 of my students each year within the first week of school (it's a lot more difficult for an 11-year-old to misbehave in your class if you know his first and last name!) But I would be foolish to assume that everyone shares my passion for remembering these things. Including my husband. So I have come to embrace our differences. I make a point of reminding Andy when one of these dates is coming up and if there is anything special I would like.

I do this for two important reasons.

Number one: a solid relationship is one of clear expectations. When each partner knows what the other expects of him or her, harmony resides.

Number two: I know that I would be crushed if I was (secretly) hoping for something, only to be disappointed by the fact that my husband wouldn't know!

 

So I am proactive.

 

About a month before one of those dates, I remind Andy of the date that's coming up and if there's anything I'd like. Almost without exception, I ask for him to take me out for dinner. For Valentine's Day, however, I like to cook for him that night and then we try and arrange for childcare some other time so he can cook (i.e. go to a restaurant.) Things are a little more tricky when you have kids! But he likes knowing whether or not to buy me a gift, how I'd like to spend the evening and what else he may be expected to do. And I'm happy because my desires were fulfilled!

 

If something is important to you, don't leave it as a guessing game. Some wives may refuse to remind their husband because they want to "test" his knowledge; after all, he should remember these things! Ladies, ladies, ladies. You're only setting yourselves up for disappointment. Our husbands do a great deal for us. Don't add this extra pressure to "test his love."

 

My husband is a very thoughtful friend and is constantly doing things to surprise me, but he also likes knowing what is expected of him. Come to think of it, I am the same way.