Changing My Expectations

Everything changed when I had kids. My schedule, my goals, my free-time, my wardrobe. Everything. So it would make sense that my expectations would change, too.

Right?

Logic would wisely answer "yes." And yet, I have been struggling to keep my expectations high.

I used to be really productive. I'm a great multi-tasker and love crossing things off of my list. Even going on vacations as a kid, I would make boondoggle keychains in the car to sell at school and bring sewing projects to do at the pool. I'd rubber stamp images on paper ahead of time so I could color them in front of the television. I'd watch an old favorite movie with my husband while writing thank you notes. I've always loved doing things with my hands. Not only would those things relax me, but I'd feel good knowing that something was getting accomplished.

When the boys arrived, all of that went out the window. Sleep was essential. Anything else was purely a bonus. I resolved myself to this and tried to adjust. It went alright. But as they grew, they became a little more independent. They'd play by themselves for a bit and they'd be sleeping for long stretches in their cribs, allowing me a few minutes each day to work on some of my own projects. I thought, wow. This is great. Now I can get stuff done! I prepped dinner, dusted the baseboards and even ran the vaccum a few times. I felt good, thinking I was actually accomplishing something again. I wasn't just in Survival Mode.

Then teeth starting coming in. Mommy couldn't just sit at the table trying to prep dinner anymore. She had to be sitting right.next.to.them. I couldn't be in the other room putting laundry away. I had to be.right.there. I couldn't even get away to pump at regular intervals because someone always fell and needed help or I had to wipe their noses. When my husband came home, he'd ask about my day and I'd hang my head and say, "Fine. But I got absolutely nothing done." My house was a disaster and the laundry pile was becoming a small mountain in my bedroom. I felt defeated. Ashamed. And like I wasn't doing what I should be doing.

Andy lovingly reminded me of the fact that I have two (very active) little boys would only need their mommy's attention. Keeping them fed, clean and happy is a full-time job. I can't possibly expect to keep the same kind of schedule I did when I was single, married or even pregnant. I don't know why I put all of this extra pressure on myself to perform, especially since Andy is very happy with the way things are right now. Thankfully, he doesn't mind when the house looks as though a bomb went off in the living room, nor does he mind having take-out or picking up groceries at the store. He's just happy to see his family. Safe. Happy. Healthy.

Needless to say, it's been a progression for me.

I'm trying not to think of it as lowering my expectations. I'm changing them. There are days when the boys want to be held throughout their entire nap, so I just PLAN on it now. If they let me put them in their cribs, that's a bonus. If I'm able to get away to pump, that's a bonus. If I'm able to get absolutely ANYthing done during the day, that's a bonus.

When my friends found out I was having twins, they joked, "Mindy, no one God gave you twins - you'd be bored with just one!" While I'm not sure that I'd be bored - children are a lot of work, no matter how many you have - I knew what they were saying. They knew how much I appreciate getting things done and how I would be challenged with two babies at once.

Changing my expectations has been a lot better for me - emotionally and physically. I don't plan big dinners anymore. It's grilled cheese, pancakes, reubens and beef stroganoff type stuff. And that's alright. I'm just grateful that my husband had his own apartment before we got married because he appreciates ANYTHING I cook for him... and he still gets a kick out of the fact that he opens his drawer to find clean laundry! Two things he hated doing as a bachelor!

There'll be a time when I'm able to do more. But not now.

I've got more important things to do.