April UNtruths

I am not a fan of April Fool's Day. I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but I'm just not a good practical jokester. I don't enjoy being on either side, the one being tricked or the one making the joke. I mean, honestly, who wants someone always doubting everything you say? I'm glad my husband knows this about me and will take any clever ideas of trickery to someone else. That makes our relationship much healthier :)

But in the spirit of the day, I've decided to record a bunch of UNtruths about me.

• I am a slim 140 pounds and my body is perfectly toned.
• There are no stretch marks on my tummy; it is as flat as a brick. (Right, Robyn? :)
• I have never been a nail biter, much less after I became a mom.
• I can play the tuba, the accordian, and the bass guitar.
• I can play the piano by ear. Any song you'd ever want to hear.
• My kids never fight or steal toys from the other without their permission.
• They never scream in public or throw food on the ground. Nope. They behave like gentleman all the time.
• I have never purchased a large bag of Milky Ways only to have it gone within two days. Okay, one day.
• I know how to use the remote control for my (husband's) television.
• I hate using coupons.
• I love shopping amongst huge insane crowds.
• I do not have a secret obsession with Lipton's Diet Raspberry White Tea, drinking 2-3 bottles of it a day.
• I do not know every single line of Disney's The Little Mermaid.
• I go to the salon to get my hair done every six weeks.
• I drive a Cadillac Escalade.
• I love watching gory shows that show blood, guts and gore. The more graphic, the better.
• I hate romantic comedies.
• I would never create a million Facebook status updates in my head through the day and then only post about 5% of them.
• I do not have more than 200 CDs I have burned of photographs and videos I have taken in the past six years. That would just be insane, border line obsessive.

I guess I can celebrate the fun of April Fool's Day after all!