I just got an email from Yahoo Mail, thanking me for being a loyal user for the past twelve years and asking me to upgrade to their newer, faster service. Upgrade? Great. Twelve years? Wow.
Twelve years ago, I was still in high school. I was looking forward to college and was optimistic about my future. I wanted to go to Houghton, meet the man of my dreams, get married, teach at my hometown elementary school, stay home with my four kids and live happily ever after. Everything seemed possible to a 17-year old. The Internet was just beginning to emerge and I remember hearing stories and being wary of its presence. For all I knew, the Internet was for pornography. My sophomore year of high school, a boy in my biology class printed out a huge sheet of information for our teacher that he said he "got off the Internet." I remember gasping with shock, astonished that he would be bringing porn to school.
Oh, how innocent one can be.
Once more people learned that the Internet had more to offer than pornography, everyone was getting dial-up. My parents eventually added a second line so someone could be on the phone at the same time and my siblings and I lobbied for use of the computer. Remember those days? When you could actually HEAR your computer connecting to the world wide web?
But that email made me think of my actual email address. I remember setting up my email account. I remember thinking that I wanted it to be something that I could show to possible employers and my friends. An address I wouldn't have to switch when I got married. An address I could have forever. So rather than use my last name (which I would *hopefully *change someday,) I used my first and middle name. And the year I was going to graduate high school... because it said I needed a number.
On a day like today, that memory made me smile. Even then, I knew that I wanted to be married. I knew that I wanted to be a mom. There's no way I could have anticipated how things would have gone in the past twelve years. I would have never believed I'd have taught in a middle school. I would have never believed I'd have moved to the city! I would have never believed I'd get such a fantastic guy! I would have never believed I'd have TWINS! But what a wonderful ride it's been!
My boys are sick today. Yesterday, too. They just can't keep much in their bellies. They're clingy, uncomfortable and irritable. Plus, their noses are like leaky faucets and they've got a cough that sounds like they've been smoking for ten years. It's easy to get overwhelmed this time of year. When sickness invades your house and refuses to leave. When your boys are puking all over you and your couch and your washing machine can barely keep up. When you'd rather use their nap to sleep and recoup your energy rather than make dinner or tidy the house.
On these days, it's helpful for me to remember the day I set up my email account. That innocement 17-year-old, with the whole world at her fingertips and optimism in her eyes. To remember these simple truths: This is the life I had hoped for. This is the life I had dreamed up.
Then I realized: I did it. I'm living my dream.
MY dream. All of it. The happy husband, the healthy kids... the puke, the exhaustion... ALL OF IT!
I am a mom. My life is not a glamorous one. Far from it, actually. But I couldn't imagine it being any better than it already is.
Signing off,
No comments:
Post a Comment