Over-the-Top Praise

As a mother of twins, I am always reminded of what it means to have two kids the same age. They fight over the same toys, scream when I'm holding their brother as well as bite, push, kick and pull hair when they feel their space closing in. Whoever said people were born perfect and only corrupted by the world never had kids. We are born sinful and it is OUR job to train them how to act differently!

No one said this would be easy.

In an effort to train my boys to do good, I admittedly go a little over the top. Whenever I see them doing something we've been working on - putting a toy in the toy box, sharing something with their brother or stroking his hair rather than pulling it - I emphatically go nuts. "Yeeeeeeeeah, Benjamin!" I shriek while clapping and patting his back. "Good boy! What a good boy you are!"

They love it.

Ben smiles and looks at me as if to say, "Oh, yeah? Well, that's nothing!" Then he does the same thing, anxious to see if he gets the same reaction and smiles incessantly to learn that once again, he has earned my over-the-top praise. Sometimes, he'll come over to me when I hadn't been payin attention and start clapping. Knowing that I probably missed a good deed (and not wanting it to go unnoticed,) I'll go through the whole song and dance. 'Cause he certainly did something to deserve it.

It is our job to help guide our kids toward what's right. Not a school, the community or their relatives. Those institutions will only reinforce what you've worked hard to establish. And we can't leave it to them. If I did that, my boys would have numerous bald spots on their head, teeth marks on their arms and bruises from thrown books on their faces. Other people would watch them and say, "Well, what are you gonna do? That's just the way they are." Only because that what we've allowed them to do.

But it is difficult. It's a lot of work. For me, it means trying to give my boys independence, but staying on top of them to be sure the wrestling stays playful and the biting isn't too frequent. When they do bite, I sternly tell them "No, we have to be nice to our brother," and then physically remove them from the incident. Sometimes, I have to do that five times in less than a minute. But eventually, they catch on. Eventually. The point is that they're learning what is acceptable and what is not.

I am not where I want to be yet, but I feel good about the direction we're headed. It's a long road ahead of us, but if I can hang in there, the lessons learned and character gained will be life-long. Eventually, I won't need to go nuts when I see them put a book on the bookshelf where it belongs. But for now, my boys need a cheerleader. Besides, I'm having way too much fun to stop!