One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm a little discouraged tonight. Ben won't poop. And it's been a while. A few days. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't KNOW that he had to go. Bad. His dance has gotten more frequent. His clinginess more clingy. His cries more frustrated.

And still, he won't let go.

Perhaps what makes it so tough is the fact that Jack is pooping like a champ. That kid found out that I would give him a present when I was really pleased with their success and poops every chance he gets. He's gone about seven times and 'gets it.' He likes the prizes. Go figure. In the last post, I was confident that he didn't need prizes. My boys keep switching on me! Again, frustrating.

But what's even more frustrating is the fact that I pushed Ben tonight. I made him sit on the potty, even when he didn't want to. He forced him to try and go on the potty. He was visibly uncomfortable. I just wanted to see him relieved of his pain. But as you can imagine, it only made it worse. He got more resilient. More defiant. And absolutely petrified of that little potty.

I feel like such a failure.

After they went down, I read through the 'program' again. I did several things wrong. I shared them with my husband. I cried. I am determined to do things differently tomorrow. It's a new day.

And still, there is HOPE.

A few minutes ago, as I was writing this post, I heard a little "Mommy, I go peepee," from the boys' room. I went in there to see Jack standing in the doorway. He went in front of his potty, dropped his pants and I heard faint dribbles in the toilet.

He did it.

Jack had started going in his underwear and then woke up, wanting to finish in the potty. That's exactly what we've been trying to enforce! And he did it. It's the night of Day Six and he did it all on his own. I changed his clothes (because my boys do not like to be wet) and he sleepily walked back into his bed. Not even his sheets were wet!

So, yes. There is hope. They are progressing. It's difficult to see progress when it's happening so slowly, right before your eyes. And we are aspiring to train TWO toddlers at the same time. Two toddlers - different boys - who happened to be born within one minute apart from the same mommy and daddy. I keep trying to put them together as a pair, as if they should achieve each milestone at the exact same time. But they are not the same person. They are not the same person. They are not the same person. Perhaps I oughta keep remind myself of that.

I just heard another sound from the boys' room. This time, it was Ben. He was soaked and wanted dry clothes. I was much more understanding with him as I changed him, asked if he wanted to use the potty (he didn't) and then held him for a minute before sending him back to his bed. Thankfully, Andy had used that time to change his sheets. He was asleep again just three minutes later. It's progress.

We are not running a sprint race here. This is a marathon. And I'm in it for the long run.