So Many Changes

So many changes in so little time.

The past month has been a whirlwind of activity. At least for a pregnant mommy and her two toddlers. We learned that Baby #3 is a girl (can I get an AMEN?) and we've continued in our sleeptime struggles. For a mom who's used to getting a nap everyday, this unexpected change was not a welcome one.

A few months ago, the boys started resisting sleeptime. Especially naps. Not because they didn't need them - they're honestly quite difficult to be around when they don't sleep - but because I wasn't putting them down early enough and I was letting them sleep too long. Alright, hertle cleared. But then a few days ago, things got progressively worse. Jack started waking up at 4am from what we later gathered were nightmares. And he didn't want to go back down. He insisted on being held - only by mommy, mind you - and refused to go in his crib. Well, this was a problem. A huge problem. We tried a TON of different things, but what's seemed to have worked best was having daddy go in to comfort him and then sit against his crib. And that was after we threw out the Winnie the Pooh book that was thought had been scaring him (it was one about Piglet getting over his fear of the dark.)

Oh my word. This all sounds so obvious when I summarize it like I did in that last paragraph. But I assure you, the last few days were some of the most stressful days we've had since the boys were newborns. Andy and I were both exhausted. Irritable. Frustrated. And confused. What was wrong and how could we get things back to normal? I was trying to hold BOTH boys on the couch so they would sleep (which is really uncomfortable when you're pregnant, by the way) and sitting on their floor and holding them to try and coaxe Jack back into the crib. I tried spanking him into submission, but that only seemed to make it worse. We were hurting for a solution.

Well, we're still not where we want to be. Jack is still hesistant to lay down unless we're right there with him. He screams for me to pick him up the whole time we're driving in the car. And the incentives we're offering for staying in his crib only seem to scratch the surface. But I do think we're headed in the right direction. Thank God for my husband's help.

We hadn't been planning on making such a big change, but I think it may be appropriate under the circumstances. We're going to get the boys twin beds and set them up in (what we had been planning on making) the baby's room. I'm still not sure how much of his fear is from shadows - even with the two nightlights that are currently shining in their room - and how much of those shadows could be from their crib. And since they routinely get in and out of their cribs on their own, it seems like they may be ready. So we'll set up two twin beds in the other bedroom. We'll see how they do while still keeping their cribs set up in their original bedroom; we may need to use those cribs as a bargaining chip in case they regularly get out of their beds at the wrong time. Then, after we're feeling good about the transition, we could begin to make the boys' room into the baby's room.

See what I mean? A lot of changes.

The last few days have, once again, humbled me as a parent. As much as we're learning, as much progress as we're making, I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. The circumstances around another child's struggle could be completely different from mine. What might have worked for another child might not work for mine. Circumstances, parents, backgrounds and experiences, everything is always so different. I just have to do what I think is best. Over and over again.

I'm also struck by this truth when I look at my toddlers. Twin boys that we believe to be identical. How could they be so similar and yet so different? Ben will sleep through Jack's tirades (unless he knows Mommy is holding Jack on the couch, then he wants to come, too) and is otherwise completely obedient when it comes to bedtime. He hasn't appeared to have nightmares as his brother, even though they experience almost all the same things at the same time. Just goes to show you: everyone. Every single one. Is soooo completely different. I should also point out the fact that a few weeks ago, it was Ben that was giving me a harder time with sleeptimes than Jack. Jack went right down and often yelled directions at his brother for him to do the same. They honestly seem to flip-flop. All the time!!

So as I sit and prepare for Baby #3, I really don't know what to expect. Not only is this a new child, completely different from her older brothers, but she's also a girl. And she's only one. In many ways, this pregnancy feels completely new and I'm going to have to relearn everything all over again. Labor, breastfeeding, caring for a newborn, carrying one newborn, raising a little girl... wow.

Let's just hope I can experience this one with a little more sleep ;)