Waiting on the Lord

At 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I am struck by an odd feeling. A feeling I haven't had in... well, I can't even remember. It's a strange feeling. One that I'm not entirely comfortable with. And I have no idea what to do.

I can't think of anything that needs to be done.

You laugh, I'm sure. But this is really odd for a former teacher, mother of twins and pregnant mommy!

For the past few months - since the day we found out we were pregnant - there has been a HUGE list of things to do. To prepare for. Organize the house, get ready for the baby, gather materials, brush up on information, buy/make birthday/wedding/baby shower presents through the month of June, the list has literally never ended. But trust me, I've really gotten a LOT done. My apartment has NEVER been as organized as it is in this moment. That was probably due to the fact that we found out we were pregnant on the day we moved in and I had absolutely NO energy to devote to organizing our new space, but even still, the fact that things are pretty organized is impressive.

Okay, now that I'm thinking of it, there are things I could do. Clean off my kitchen countertops. Scrub the toilet (because you know, you can never do that enough.) Back up the files from my harddrive onto my external drive. But instead, I'd rather think about everything being done. This is also not taking into account the fact that my husband has been the one cleaning and doing dishes; I am only trying to do the minimal lately since my energy level is so low after care for two toddlers during the day. Trust me. There are things I could do. I'm just choosing not to :)

My bags are packed. A bag is packed for my boys to stay with Nana and Papa when the baby arrives. Our plan is set in place and everyone knows what's 'supposed' to happen in case of a, b, or c. The baby's room is finished and her dressers are full. The boys' Easter baskets are stuffed, their outfits purchased and simple meals are planned for the next few weeks. Now, all I have to do is wait.

I've never been particularly good at waiting. I am a "dooer." A worker. I enjoy getting things done and have always taken pride in my work. Even if it's folding laundry, I get an immense feeling of satisfaction knowing it was completed successfully. And I joke with my husband that I used to consider myself a patient person... until I had kids. Then I found out I was really only patient with OTHER people's kids. HA!

Waiting is a difficult place to be. I remember wondering if I would ever get married. At the ripe old age of 24, I felt like I was destined to be an old spinster. I mean, really, most of my friends were married or at least had a steady boyfriend then. I had neither! Is it me or is this feeling exaggerated in Christian circles? Looking back, I am sooo grateful for that period of waiting because it helped get me ready for what was to come. I think I even appreciated it more because I didn't get it right when I wanted it. But in the moment, the waiting was so difficult.

That's where I am right now. I'm taking comfort in a verse that brought me peace when I was waiting for my husband to find me.

"Wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

I'm humbled that the Psalmist thought this idea important enough for him to mention it twice. Oh, how soon we forget. God is in control. He is strategically putting pieces in the correct order. Waiting for the perfect time. So that in the end, we will be richly blessed.

There are parts of me that feel ready. But the bigger part of me is not. I am confident that the Lord wants to use how many more days we might have until our new little one arrives to prepare my heart, my family and my home to accept this new gift.

So I guess I DO have something to do: be strong, take heart and wait on the Lord!

**I've been blogging namely to my family blog lately because I didn't think you were all interested in hearing every little thought that pops into this pregnant lady's head. If you're interested, you're welcome to view my thoughts there: http://andymindysauer.blogspot.com. Thanks!